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I’ve got another film concept to throw out there, mostly a product of boredom, free stock photos, and Photoshop.

Presenting: Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthin Ta Flex Wit

Following the spirit of hip-hop for health, as in Kanye West’s “The New Workout Plan,” RZA presents the newest Wu-Tang Clan fitness plan: Ain’t Nothin Ta Flex Wit. Ancient shaolin monks fine-tuned their bodies with such focus and discipline that they could withstand anything from the harshest winters to a swift kick in the balls.  Now you, too, can learn the art of Shaolin, coming to you straight from Shaolin Land to a video store near you! Shaolin workout master RZA (noteworthy for his performances in American Gangster and Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai) leads 5 intense workout sessions in which you can master both physical moves such as “Protect Ya Neck (The Jump Off),” a self-defense technique, and spiritual mantras such as “C.R.E.A.M., Cash Rules Everything Around Me, dolla dolla bill, yall,” a formula guaranteed to gain respect and success in the workplace.  Featuring the realest beats in the world, you’ll find it hard to not to burn calories as you step to the bass of the new titular remix, “Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthin Ta Flex Wit” or relaxing your mind in Child’s Pose to RZA’s latest “Chamber Music.”  Bonus features include nutritious and low-calorie recipes from Raekwon the Chef himself, guaranteed to make you shed those excess pounds. [Disclamer: some recipes may result in dilated pupils, increased talkativeness, sniffling or signs of having a cold, and anxiety or paranoia.]

I’ve brought album ideas like 2PACracy: Hip-hop democracy (another socio-political album released posthumously by 2pac, feat. MIA’s 3rd world democracy lines) to the table. Dreamed of Facebook: The (Horror) Movie.

And now, I proudly present Album Concepts: Visual Edition, albums should be made, but aren’t, yet.

FEATURING COMMON!

In this upcoming album, “Tutancommon”, Common continues his musical fusion of genres by incorporating poems from ancient Egyptian scrolls as a tribute to ancient artists who inspire his lyrical genius. Through songs like “Afterlife,” “Sun God Ra,” “Mythological” and “For Mum”, Common incorporates themes worthy of his titular tribute to a young pharaoh, such as royalties (”they be rippin my rhymes ever since old time/how’s a man to earn cheese when they steal his deeds”), mummification, crime, death and immortality (”wrapped up in his rap sheet/his death notes looped on repeat”). Though his production is largely contemporary, the Chicago rapper constantly searches for the deeper origins of his hip-hop roots, looking beyond his hometown, and even past the last few centuries. Critics rave that “Tutancommon” is Common’s “magnum opus” and “a rich history lesson full of sound and spiritual energy”.

Feat. DJ Mummy (turntables), Num Amuntehu (percussion), samples from Sun Ra’s “Arkestras” and vocals by John Legend.

Tutancommon, Conceptual Album Cover